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[13 Feb 2007|12:54pm] |
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Happy Valentines Day, you guys. I love you. :[
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[18 Jan 2006|04:30pm] |
I wrote this review of Brokeback after I saw it last Saturday and I figured I would share it with anyone who wanted to read.
( i wish i knew how to quit you.. )
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| brokeback fan fic. |
[16 Dec 2005|01:02am] |
The dreams are always the same. Hazy and distorted, everything seems faded as if a fire has come and danced it's flames along the edges of everything's existance, the once vibrant colors of everything slowly but surely becoming the color of ashes; nothing but a dull grey. The mountain is no longer this brilliant aray of greens mixed with the occasional yellow and orange from the wild flowers that grow sparatically. Those colors have long since faded. Everything has faded but him, and his face.
He's always in the distance; though my sense of perception is skewed and I reach out for him in hope that my fingertips will brush lightly over his rough calloused well worked hands, but they can never reach far enough. The harder I try to reach him the further he moves away, and in an ironic way that's kind of amusing because when he was still alive the closer he tried to get to me, the deeper inside me he tried to push, the harder I shoved him out. It was like a dance; it was like we were dancing on a tight rope and the closer he came the further backwards I had to move, to keep the balance. To keep us both from tumbling down into the oblivion below - to keep us from hitting that hard rocky bottom. Though eventually he got the best of me - he won me over, pinned me into a corner and made me deal with the raw, stinging overwhelming ..well we never could quite place our finger on what it was that was so strong between us. It was just like this thing this strong, powerful force that pulled us together, made us cling to each other, long for each other, need each other to survive. We needed each other to survive; I need him to survive. Since he's been gone, I haven't been surviving, only merely existing. Getting through each day, each moment seeing to lazily lull it's way by, as if it's a cow who's spent all day grazing in the grass and is slowly making his trek back to the barn taking his grand old time - for why should he hurry? There's nothing to hurry back to. That's how the minutes go by. Painstakingly slow. When the day is done I pace the floor, trying to hurry up the time, begging and pleading with it; willing it to be time for my head to hit the pillow, willing it to be time for me to bury myself between the sheets and toss and turn restlessly until sleep finally comes, and there is his face.
His face, the only bright thing left in my dull meaningful life. And he is only a dream. My reality that has faded into nothing - nothing but a dream.
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| where can i find a woman like that like jesse's girl i wish that i had jesse's girl |
[24 Sep 2005|01:26pm] |
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music |
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jesses' girl - rick springfield |
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I just privated all my greatest journal entries again, like i did when i freaked out when I was still using bloodyholiday. I don't know why but I felt like I needed to do it. Fresh start maybe. Who knows. It was something I needed to do for me. Aside from reading my friends page I probably won't be using that journal much anymore. I don't like it. And not just it like the username or whatever, but journals in general. Not this one though. No one reads this one. So it's okay with me.
I feel like no matter how much sleep I get lately, I'm still worn out and worn down. Everythings crumbling. I can feel it. I can see it. I just don't have the energy to fix it. I don't. I wish everything would stop changing the way it is. I don't want it to stay the same but I don't want it to change the way it is. I guess I don't know what I want.
Yes, I do. I want to be happy. Why is one little thing so hard?
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| when we stand together it's our finest hour |
[23 Sep 2005|08:17pm] |
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music |
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love can build a bridge -- the judds |
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Happy Birthday. I hope your day was good. I hope you are happy. I hope you got everything you could possibly wish for. I hope you got to see them and hug them and feel close to them the way you used to. They are your friends - no matter what they are your friends, don't forget that okay? I hope you are making her happy. Love is sacred and special don't take it for granted, and don't mess it up - work hard not to mess it up okay? Take care of you. Take care of the guys. Be happy. I just hope you are happy. You deserve to be.
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