joels @ 2007-02-13T12:54:00

2007-02-13T17:54:21Z

Happy Valentines Day, you guys. I love you. :[

joels @ 2006-01-18T16:30:00

2006-01-18T21:32:36Z

I wrote this review of Brokeback after I saw it last Saturday and I figured I would share it with anyone who wanted to read.

I got to see Brokeback Mountain. I wish that I had words for it but I don't. I left the movie crying, and then sat in a diner still sniffling long after it was over. Before I went in I was this being with massive various emotions coursing through my veins. I was excited because finally finally - I could see the movie to me. My movie. I was nervous because ; well I guess because I was worried that the movie wouldn't live up to everything that everyone, I had made it out to be. That maybe something was lacking, that I just wouldn't get into it, that I wouldn't feel the emotions or think the performances were good, whatever. Thank God it lived up to everything I want and needed it to be and more.

Ang is phenomenal. I've said it before, I'll say it again I won't stop saying it until people take note and listen. Amazing, he is just amazing. Amazing directorial skills. The scenery was captivating. It's beautiful and lulling, and I wanted to go to Brokeback. It's fitting, I suppose. This beautiful amazing place that they only got to go to every once in a while. I think it's more an idea then an actual place, if that makes sense somehow. A place where magic happens. A place where you are completely surrounded by beauty and everything is just the way you need and want it to be even if it's only for small amounts of time. It reminds me of something Ang said in an interview about the movie. " We all have a Brokeback - some of us get to go there, some of us don't." That's very true. Some of us find love, real true love. Deep love. Never ending love. Love that is the life and death of us. Love that takes our breath away but somehow makes us breathe a little clearer. And some of us never do. Some of us spend our whole lives searching and never quite get a grasp on that which we seek. It's sad, really. You just have to hope that you get the chance to find that love, that you get your Brokeback. Anyway, as I said the scenery was amazing. I'd say Ang chose the perfect place for filming. Not only did he capture the raw beauty that was the mountains but he was able to show the gritty ruralness of mid -western/ southern towns. Beautiful, just beautiful.

The movie was told in the perfect way. Almost everything from the pages of the book conveyed onto the screen. I was disappointed though that Ennis never called Jack Lil' Darlin', and the classic line ' The gun's going off' or something to that extent as they well.. get off.. wasn't muttered, but hey I guess they aren't important to the story telling. I still would of loved to hear both things.Everything moved along smoothly, there was humor mixed in with all the sadness and everything captivated you and made you sort of will the movie along, and will whatever was going to happen next to go ahead and happen because you just couldn't wait to find out. Together? Not together? Would someone figure them out? Could they keep it a secret?

I suppose it's time for me to talk about everyone's performances, yes. I'll start with Anne, she's on the screen the least amount of time. Anne was okay. They didn't show her enough to really give you a real feel for her as an actress, but long enough to have a liking or a disliking for her character. I disliked her. Lureen is spoiled, naive and only married Jake because.. well I guess because she got pregnant. They never seemed to be in love at all. She was a very cold woman, who was focused on working more then loving her husband.

Heath. Before I went into the movie theatre I had a preconceived notion about him and his performance. I figured that it was one of his typical roles just add in some gayness, and that he was getting all the hype surrounding him for nothing. I thought I would be annoyed by that fact more, especially because I know Jake deserves to be recognized for his talents. I was wrong. I can admit that. I was wrong. Heath finds the perfect balance of making you want to grab Ennis and shake him some sense into his stupid ass; to making your heart ache for him and his loneliness, unhappiness and all that pain bottled up inside one man. One weak man, might I add who puts on a facade that he is much stronger than he really is. He gave a hell of a performance. He was a perfect brooding, miserable and confused man and I respect him as an actor much more than I ever did before. I hope he does at least win a Golden Globe, he deserves to win something.

Jake. I'm even more upset now after actually seeing the movie that the award buzz surrounding him is minute while the buzz around Heath is monumental. Jake makes you fall in love with Jack Twist.With his goofiness, with the way his is so earnest and eager to take on life and love, and anything that comes his way really. You fall in love with the way he is such a dreamer, and how he dreams of how good life is and can be instead of focusing in on only the bad and how much life can suck sometimes the way Ennis does. They counteract each other in this beautiful way. Jake did a wonderful job. You felt Jack's ache for something more, his frustration when he couldn't have it, his hatred for how things had to be, his love for Ennis. Every single emotion Jack felt, you felt too surging through you all at once. He was just wonderful. Jake and Heath have the best chemistry and dynamic with each other. There was some mention of them working on another film together, and I hope they do. It's hard for people to work together again after they've already done something together unless it's a sequel, trilogy or whatever but I think they could pull it off.

Chelle. I saved my baby for last. I still really am speechless with awe at her performance. Her scenes were heart-wrenching. Because unlike Jack and Lureen, you do see that in the beginning Alma and Ennis love each other and very much. There's one scene where they are sledding down a big hill and he takes her face in his hands and she smiles so bright, and it was just real reflection of the way they love each other in real life. Ennis cared for Alma. So to watch her tiny little world crumble and her not really able to do much at all but watch it fall apart tugs at your heart strings. Even though you want the ill-fated pair together ( like this - just like this always ;) ) you still ache for Alma. If that's not good acting I don't know what is. I cried when she cried. I was frustrated when she was frustrated. When she was scared I was scared too. That scene in the kitchen where Alma confronts Ennis made me cry so hard, just because you could really feel all the pain of both characters. Michelle and Heath act well together. A lot of couples do not. ( Hello Bennifer Uno? ) But they did. I hope she wins a Golden Globe, and I hope she gets an Oscar nod too because she deserves it. That would make me happy in ways I can't put into words.

I keep tearing up thinking of the movie. Right now I type this I've got tears in my eyes, even though it's been hours since I saw the movie. I keep thinking about it and playing over different parts in my head. That's how much it has effected me. That's the way it gets to you. I understand now why Jake and Heath were so adamant about it not being called a 'gay cowboy movie'. It's not. It's truly not. The first time I heard them say that I rolled my eyes and was like " oh okay, sure it's not." But it's so much more than that. You honestly forget that they are gay. Gay is such a taboo thing in our society still, even though more and more people are coming out and all those things, it's still considered a bad thing to most people. Dirty, immoral, wrong. And the beat goes on. I wish for people who feel so deeply about how wrong being in love with someone is just because they are the same gender would go see this movie. You don't see two gay men, you don't see Jake and Heath, you see Jack and Ennis. Two people so deeply in love that they uproot their lives to keep going back to each other even if it's only for small amounts of time because the other is embedded in their heart and soul, whether they like it or not. They let big chunk of their lives fade away, just to let the pieces of their hearts bond and interlock together. They didn't expect it, they didn't want it, but it's not about them. Not really. Love is bigger then any two people are. We don't really get to pick who we fall in love with, we just fall. And once we do, we love them for better or worse - whether we should or not. That was Ennis and Jack.

I think that everyone who sees the movie will be able to find some small piece of them in at least one of the characters. Be it when it comes to love, or just a characteristic and that's a good thing. It puts it all into perspective. We all have something bigger than us that controls us. We all feel things we wish we didn't. All of us are dreamers at some point of time in our life and we look at the world with wide innocent eyes. Then we see that the world isn't always perfect nor amazing, and we harden and build a shell to shelter ourselves a little. All of us are like to pretend things that aren't easy to deal with don't exist. All of us have kept secrets, all of us have had our heart completely shattered by another person. Lives fall apart. Love puts them back together. Like I said, you'll find some little part of you in some little part of them. I'm an Ennis I think, more so than anyone.

where can i find a woman like that like jesse's girl i wish that i had jesse's girl

2005-09-24T17:27:41Z

I just privated all my greatest journal entries again, like i did when i freaked out when I was still using bloodyholiday. I don't know why but I felt like I needed to do it. Fresh start maybe. Who knows. It was something I needed to do for me. Aside from reading my friends page I probably won't be using that journal much anymore. I don't like it. And not just it like the username or whatever, but journals in general. Not this one though. No one reads this one. So it's okay with me.

I feel like no matter how much sleep I get lately, I'm still worn out and worn down. Everythings crumbling. I can feel it. I can see it. I just don't have the energy to fix it. I don't. I wish everything would stop changing the way it is. I don't want it to stay the same but I don't want it to change the way it is. I guess I don't know what I want.

Yes, I do. I want to be happy. Why is one little thing so hard?

when we stand together it's our finest hour

2005-09-24T00:21:28Z

Happy Birthday. I hope your day was good. I hope you are happy. I hope you got everything you could possibly wish for. I hope you got to see them and hug them and feel close to them the way you used to. They are your friends - no matter what they are your friends, don't forget that okay? I hope you are making her happy. Love is sacred and special don't take it for granted, and don't mess it up - work hard not to mess it up okay? Take care of you. Take care of the guys. Be happy. I just hope you are happy. You deserve to be.